I'm not one to brag about any accomplishment I might have made. Some people have diplomas or large trophy's. I have a certificate that cannot be obtained with any amount of education or training.
I got my first job in 93. I worked as a trasher at a local theater. My job consisted of sweeping up large amounts of popcorn between shows and other sugary debris patrons left behind. I was pretty excited to work there and planned on retiring there as well. We always found new ways to make our job exciting. I perfected the art of throwing a full 44 ounce cup of soda from any where in the theater into a trash container on wheels. I was good, real good. Anyways while I advanced in my career as a theatrical trash removal engineer I obtained a vest that was burgundy instead of black. This separated me from the other engineers. It let customers and management know I had been picking up other peoples shit longer than the other employees. This came with responsibilities. 12 theater screens are hard to maintain and need a burgundy-clad leader to keep them clean. I failed as a concession and ticket salesman but excelled in sweeping and ticket tearing. I did it with pride. I liked working late shifts because nights went by much quicker. You also see more people, I am a fan of people watching. One night I am cleaning one of the last theaters of the night. I get a call over my walkie talkie. I am told to get to the bathroom because an incident has been reported. Incident usually consisted of lack of paper towels or spilled soda. I rush to the bathroom in a flash of burgundy. Counters and floor are clean, paper towels stocked. I open the large handicap stall to see someone disapproved of the choice of tile and decided to redecorate. Apparently the Jackson Pollock of feces visited the theater that night and smeared his waste all over the wall. Being the last trasher of the night I engineered a hazmat suit that was part polyester part hefty bag. I wore bags on my legs, arms, and torso. I also made a hefty mask with eyeholes. I had to wear my glasses on the outside due to fogging. I entered the shit filled arena and reluctantly removed the mess. I exited the bathroom into the lobby expecting the slow clap that results in a full-on ovation from management. The lobby was empty. I went to clock out and report to management the mess was gone. Boss replied oh..o.k. That BASTARD! Months pass, I slowly started to hate my job, my vest now a dark pink from too many washes. I am notified we will be having a company party with all three locations at our theater. I had to work that night but the party was after hours. At least 100 employees gather in a theater to eat, drink and get to know one another. They announce it is time to present the awards. The big man with mic in hand announces awards for record sales in both concessions and ticket sales. Managers are given fancy gift baskets and gift cards. Big man has one more award to announce. " I would like to present the next award to Rudy Flores for the quick removal of feces". I am sitting at the top row of the theater because I am the only one in a vest and bowtie. I begin my slow walk to the bottom to receive my laminated certificate. I am greeted with a crowd of 100 people cheering "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy" because Rudy the movie had come out that summer and it was the right thing to do.
I also got a Rudy Movie water bottle, Rudy Movie pin and poster. .
Someday I will get around to framing my certificate.
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