It was 1999, Star Wars episode 1 came out. I could be wrong but I don't care. I enjoyed the first three or is it the last three, I like the ones that came out first. Star Wars purist would be quick to correct me, that is why I choose not to speak publicly about Star Wars. When the last three films were announced my friends who are huge fans quickly dusted of all the Space crap that filled their closets. Posters rehung, figures posed once again. It was a good time to recapture that feeling once again. Although I was slightly excited to see the next three I wouldn't allow myself to buy into the machine. Why does each movie introduce a shit ton of new characters, space machinery and other various collectible items? I am guilty of buying a few things but I never owned them long enough to gather dust.
Anyways, it was that summer that my best friend of many years told me he had just ordered a replica of a light saber. He went on to describe the make and model and the character who uses this highly detailed future dust collector. I understand the need to be a part of something and don't condemn this behavior. I just see it as opportunity. So I guess this replica was ordered from a company that wasn't licensed to manufacture these things but had "experts" who carefully crafted these things. If dressing like your favorite character when it's not Halloween doesn't makes you an expert I don't know what does.
I got a phone call at least once a day or every other day from my friend. He would tell me "I think today is the day". I'm sure he fogged up the glass everyday waiting for the UPS man. I asked him what he was going to do once he got it. He looked at me like I was unaware of the possibilities.
After a few weeks it had not shown up. There must have been a delay in the costumed "experts" factory/parents house.
Unfortunately I couldn't hear about it another day so I decided to manufacture my own. At my work we use these printing cartridges that once disassembled have two black plastic rods with a handle. I loaded some vinyl in a decal cutting machine and cut circles and stripes in various space age colors. I opted to not use a reference in fear of getting too close the the real thing. I placed the circles which looked nothing like the buttons they were supposed to represent, it was perfect. I wrapped it in bubble wrap and printed a shipping label. I even went out of the way to download and print a certificate with the LucasArts logo. Once my finely crafted space turd was done I dropped it of with his mom. I explained the situation to her and she was more than happy to help. She told me she was also tired of hearing about this thing.
A few hours passed and I got a call from my friend. We talked for a while. At least 10 minutes passed without him mentioning his light saber. I decided to bring it up. I asked him hey did you ever get that thing you ordered. Quietly he said yes. I said so is it pretty cool? Yeah it's ok he said. He didn't go into detail and was quick to get off the phone. A few days passed and I completely forgot about the prank. I later heard from his mom he had been arguing with the manufacturer about the shitty quality of his replica. They stood by their product and was not eligible for a return. Had I known the effect my light saber caused I would have told him I made that thing over my lunch break. Fortunately the actual thing arrived within a few days. It was actually kinda bad ass but I liked mine more.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
All souls procession
Piece I did for All Souls Procession 2012 poster contest. On display now at Solar Culture.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
It's not what's for dinner
See previous post (finger licking bad) for an explanation. Here is my first draft of the menu. I expect some revisions.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
NOW SHOWING "Harry Potty"
I'm not one to brag about any accomplishment I might have made. Some people have diplomas or large trophy's. I have a certificate that cannot be obtained with any amount of education or training.
I got my first job in 93. I worked as a trasher at a local theater. My job consisted of sweeping up large amounts of popcorn between shows and other sugary debris patrons left behind. I was pretty excited to work there and planned on retiring there as well. We always found new ways to make our job exciting. I perfected the art of throwing a full 44 ounce cup of soda from any where in the theater into a trash container on wheels. I was good, real good. Anyways while I advanced in my career as a theatrical trash removal engineer I obtained a vest that was burgundy instead of black. This separated me from the other engineers. It let customers and management know I had been picking up other peoples shit longer than the other employees. This came with responsibilities. 12 theater screens are hard to maintain and need a burgundy-clad leader to keep them clean. I failed as a concession and ticket salesman but excelled in sweeping and ticket tearing. I did it with pride. I liked working late shifts because nights went by much quicker. You also see more people, I am a fan of people watching. One night I am cleaning one of the last theaters of the night. I get a call over my walkie talkie. I am told to get to the bathroom because an incident has been reported. Incident usually consisted of lack of paper towels or spilled soda. I rush to the bathroom in a flash of burgundy. Counters and floor are clean, paper towels stocked. I open the large handicap stall to see someone disapproved of the choice of tile and decided to redecorate. Apparently the Jackson Pollock of feces visited the theater that night and smeared his waste all over the wall. Being the last trasher of the night I engineered a hazmat suit that was part polyester part hefty bag. I wore bags on my legs, arms, and torso. I also made a hefty mask with eyeholes. I had to wear my glasses on the outside due to fogging. I entered the shit filled arena and reluctantly removed the mess. I exited the bathroom into the lobby expecting the slow clap that results in a full-on ovation from management. The lobby was empty. I went to clock out and report to management the mess was gone. Boss replied oh..o.k. That BASTARD! Months pass, I slowly started to hate my job, my vest now a dark pink from too many washes. I am notified we will be having a company party with all three locations at our theater. I had to work that night but the party was after hours. At least 100 employees gather in a theater to eat, drink and get to know one another. They announce it is time to present the awards. The big man with mic in hand announces awards for record sales in both concessions and ticket sales. Managers are given fancy gift baskets and gift cards. Big man has one more award to announce. " I would like to present the next award to Rudy Flores for the quick removal of feces". I am sitting at the top row of the theater because I am the only one in a vest and bowtie. I begin my slow walk to the bottom to receive my laminated certificate. I am greeted with a crowd of 100 people cheering "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy" because Rudy the movie had come out that summer and it was the right thing to do.
I also got a Rudy Movie water bottle, Rudy Movie pin and poster. .
Someday I will get around to framing my certificate.
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